The tonally uneven "Idiots" is all over the comedic/dramatic/absurdist spectrum

 

Tonally uneven movies can be fun, when done right (Parasite, From Dusk 'Till Dawn). When done wrong, we get Idiots, Macon Blair's latest action/comedy/dark caper flick. Recently unemployed Mark and Davis (Dave Franco and O'Shea Jackson Jr) get a paid gig with a rehab transport service. They're assigned to drive a rich, conniving snob, Sheridan (Mason Thames) to a clinic. Problem is, Sheridan is twisted and deviously dangerous, pulling them into one shenanigan after another, each more dangerous than the last.

Idiots has a decent idea (on the surface) - and a terrific poster - but the screenplay is ultimately not rich, nor clever enough, to reward the characters with more memorable arcs and compelling situations. By the end, the shifting mood and amped up violence (and especially a scene involving a punk criminal who believes that he's a werewolf) feel awkward, rather than thrilling.  Although I did laugh a few times, such gags were few and too far between. 

☆☆

"Super Troopers 3" isn't great - but manages several laughs, nonetheless

 

In the latest chapter of Broken Lizard's (somewhat) famous troupe, Jay Chandrasekhar and Co. return in a second sequel to their 2002 hit, Super Troopers. The result? Exhausting at times, funny at others, amounting to a mediocre good time - but only for the franchise aficionados. It would be a stretch to say that everyone will enjoy this equally. Just a bit.

After Farva (Kevin Heffernan) becomes engaged to Sarita (Hannah Simone), who is Thorny's (Chandrasekhar) sister, the wedding is planned, and jokes and pranks are galore. Also, add to the mix a new drug, called Canadian Crystal. Vermont's finest troopers are soon on the case, battling dealers and smugglers, while also juggling Thorny and Sarita's parents, both of whom have questionable morals themselves.

Super Troopers 3 is only for the die hard fans. Since I've got a soft spot for the original, I laughed just enough where I thought it to be a worthy 100 plus minutes. It's unlikely something I'll ever watch again, but one can honestly say that about 99% of the movies nowadays.

☆☆

A poor man's Bridesmaids, "Spa" struggles with a flat, uninspired screenplay

 

In Spa Weekend, four women get to enjoy a long getaway weekend at a - you guessed it - a fancy spa. Each is burdened with her own problems. Jane (Leslie Mann) is a single mother lawyer who doesn't even have time to date; Coco (Michelle Buteau) is divorced, and has anger issues; Sophie (Anna Faris) is a slave for her overbearing boss, who can't do anything without her; and finally, Mel (Isla Fisher) is an obnoxious, rude, vulgar and a straight up psychopath. Add to the mix a bland script, empty of inspiration and originality, and you've got a movie that, even at 90 plus minutes, feels way too long.

Spa Weekend wants to be the new Bridesmaids, but by failing to give its characters a meaningful, original arc, it only stagnates and regurgitates old plotlines, exploited by other, better films. Fisher's character is so over-the-top that a scene in which she steals a golf cart and, ultimately, crashes it, is deeply disturbing, because the movie swats it away as quite inconsequential. If only someone involved in this production had believed the same about this movie, we all would've been spared this unfunny embarrassment.

☆

Roth continues downward spiral with inept "Ice Cream Man"

 

It's such a shame that Eli Roth's career peaked with 2003's Cabin Fever and literally never got back on track. His output - of late - has been trash more often than not, unfortunately. With his latest, Ice Cream Man, Roth stoops to such low levels of gore that it's hard to imagine he still has a career at all.

After a mysterious ice cream truck delivers treats to the neighborhood children, the sweets seem to turn everyone who's tasted them into demonic psychopaths. Soon the children are murdering their parents, their friends, even their teachers. And not just murdering, but slaughtering. Each torture porn scenario is more disgusting than the last: heads are sawed off, brains scooped out of a split open skull, faces bludgeoned into mincemeat. By the time it becomes apparent that Roth knows nothing about horror and, sadly, too much about gratuitous violence, you will already have wasted thirty minutes of your life.

Movies like Ice Cream Man (like the abhorrent Terrifier franchise) are detrimental to society. They offer nothing good, wise or useful; instead, they take twisted pleasure in presenting the worst of human suffering as entertainment. That is detrimental in and of itself.

ZERO STARS

"Teenage" slasher clashes with Lynchian mindfuckery - to weak effect

 

If you're going into Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma expecting a slasher movie, you're in for a surprise. If you're expecting it to be a movie about people wanting to revamp a fading horror franchise (as the synopsis suggest), you'll be greatly disappointed. In fact, I'm pretty sure at this point that this movie is not at all what you'd - or anyone else - would actually expect. And no, that's not a good thing, in this case. Not by a long shot.

Young filmmaker Kris (Hannah Einbinder) meets with an aging actress, Billy (Gillian Anderson), about casting her in her new reboot. They meet at a remote cabin in a snow covered wilderness, and other than the initial few exchanges between them, things get very abstract. Conversations turn into fantasies, dreams morph into a waking reverie where horror either takes place, or appears so. The narrative structure vanishes, giving life to a mindfuck section that can only be described as Lynch having fucked Bergman. Not even Einbinder's exposed breasts could undue the extra dosage of boredom that writer/director Jane Schoenbrun inflicts on us.

TSADACM is another overrated turkey, a movie so shamelessly praised on RT that it made me question if I had really seen the same version, or had I perhaps dreamed the most awful cut of it. Jury's still out.

☆

Luminous "Amziah" defies genre and transcends classification

 

The Rivals of Amziah King is not a typical movie - and I mean that in a good way. Starting off with a bang, where a minor character (Tony Revolori) nearly gets his scalp ripped off by a honey extractor (haven't watched the scene a few times, I'm still not sure what exactly happened, but I digress), the titular main character (Matthew McConaughey) meets a premature demise, and a young native American woman (Angelina LookingGlass) turns into a small-time detective, and commits unimaginable crimes.

Part Terrence Malick, part David Gordon Green, Amziah King is a majestic, nearly meditative experience, whose plot is only secondary to the quiet moments, where the characters' inner turmoil is explored in reticent, gorgeous cinematography. Bees and honey are central to its story, and especially to its allegorical meaning. It also plays like two or three movies in one; the final act is in no way in spirit with the first, and especially not the heroine's plight. Although I can not proclaim it a masterpiece, it is nevertheless a rare, unique experience that any film aficionado should seek out.

☆☆☆

Jensen's "Viking" continues the high standard of the Danish director

 

Movies by the Danish filmmaker, Anders Thomas Jensen, are a treat. They are smart, mature, funny, moving, and more often than not, quite original. His latest, Den Sidste Viking (The Last Viking), features typical Jensen players, Mads Mikkelsen and Nikolaj Lie Kaas. They play two brothers, opposite in personality and ideals, whose goal is to retrieve money that one of them buried years ago, when the other went to prison for stealing that same loot. Along the way, they will reunite with friends old and new, and even dodge a maniacal man, Flemming (Nicolas Bro), looking for unpaid debts.

The Last Viking is wise, sometimes funny, sometimes violent, but never less than wise. Every character is burdened with their own inner demons, including a mismatched couple (Søren Malling and Sofie Gråbøl), who own an Airbnb where the brothers' childhood home used to be. There are no bad people in Jensen's movies; only imperfect ones. There are also no bad Jensen movies; only nearly perfect ones.

☆☆☆1/2

Bourdain comes of age in crowd pleasing "Tony"

 

In Tony, the young actor (Dominic Sessa) who plays the 19-year old Anthony Bourdain, doesn't much look like him. He's also a compulsive liar: not only does he tell his parents that he received a prestigious writing fellowship when he didn't, he also lies to the girl he's infatuated with, Nancy (Emilia Jones). When he gets drunk one summer at a Massachusetts bar, he's thrown out, mildly beaten upon pushing back, and ultimately taken in by the wise mentor chef, Jose Vatel (Antonio Banderas).

Part coming of age story, part mini-biography, Tony fluctuates between being a summer romance movie, a comedy of back-kitchen profane ridden etiquette, and maturity of a young man still searching for his life's purpose. I won't lie: the lead actor/character is hardly interesting; in fact, he's flat out unlikable. The real treasure here is Banderas, whose father figure wisdom help shape Tony's outlook on life, even after Tony behaves like an asshole towards him on SEVERAL occasions. 

This is a middle of the pack movie, a pleasing, enjoyable slice of life that won't change your life. Yet it will hardly bore you, either.

☆☆☆

Right-wing financed "Vigilante" is a racist, shameless abomination

 

Rejoice, Armie Hammer fans! The blacklisted former Hollywood heartthrob is back, this time in the hack director Uwe Boll's avenger flick, Citizen Vigilante. Rejoice as you watch Hammer's Sanders punish bullies, thieves, dealers and even shoot an entire family of muslim immigrants, just because one of them committed a crime recently. Watch him have forced, unnatural, staged sex with an expressionless prostitute, exposing his controversial tattoos to us. Watch him speak Boll's horrible monologue, and come across as far more deranged than any of the 'villains' he's chasing.

Citizen Vigilante is a shameless, racist, bigoted project, whose existence was born from hatred of immigrants. Set in a nameless European country (I'm guessing Croatia, due to some familiar signage), the movie is under the impression that everyone in the world shares the disturbing ideals of its filmmaker and financiers. The last scene is so disgusting and xenophobic that it becomes the film's non-washable stain, something that'll surely keep it in the annals of worst movies ever made. 

ZERO STARS

Dinosaurs invade modern suburbia "Street" amidst one family's dysfunction

 

The most surprising thing about The End of Oak Street is that its director, David Robert Mitchell, also helmed the horror classic, It Follows (2014). I haven't followed his output much since, but after viewing his latest monster invasion/sci-fi time travel adventure, I only wish he'd contribute more to Hollywood's output.

A family consisting of mother Denise (Anne Hathaway), father Greg (Ewan McGregor), and children Audrey (Maisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery) live in a quiet American suburb, until a sudden flash of indescribable brightness shuts down their power. The next day, nothing is at it seems - not with dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures roaming about, devouring everything in their path.

The End of Oak Street is a rousing adventure, an intense monster creature with genuine thrills and authentic dinosaur action unseen since the original Jurassic Park (1993). There is one gruesome scene, in particular; it is difficult to watch, even though majority of its horror takes place off-screen. It is credit to Mitchell's boldness that he carried on with it - pulling it off - when so many wouldn't have been as audacious.

☆☆☆ 1/2

80s nostalgia elevates this "Mayday" into a fun buddy action-comedy

 

In Mayday, Ryan Reynolds is Troy, a Navy Pilot who's as good as they come. When he's suddenly sent out on a secret mission in Russia, his plane crashes, and he's stranded in the middle of frozen wilderness. Oh, did I mention the story takes place in the 1980s, during the Cold War?

With the aid of Nikolai Ustinov (Kenneth Branagh), a local former KGB who has a soft spot for all things American, the two men dodge Russian agents and local bad guys, while on their way to the American embassy in Moscow. This is an old fashioned buddy picture, the kind of action-comedy common in the decade it takes place in (48 Hrs, Midnight Run). Branagh is particularly good, injecting his Nikolai with an uncommon charm, fused with scattered spots of global naivete.

Mayday is far from perfect; for one, the ending is predicted waaaay in advance. But given its good natured spirit and surprising chemistry among its (on paper) mismatched leads, it will bring a smile to anyone who recalls the decade of excess as the best years of their life.

☆☆☆

"One Night Only" showcases a decent idea - a poorly executed one

 

In One Night Only, men and women across NYC race to fuck each other's brains out, on this ONLY night of the year when sex for premarital couples is legal. At the center of it all are two wholesome people: Owen (Callum Turner), an honest owner of a small pizza joint, and Allie (Monica Barbaro), a woman whose calling involves singing parody songs for commercials featuring the pharmaceutical companies' next hit. We instantly know they'll end up together; now it's just a matter how many hilarious situations they'll have to go through.

Unfortunately, the screenplay (by Travis Braun) is too lazy, unimaginative and flat to ever rise above low mediocrity level. Several gags - including Owen throwing up right after initially bumping into Allie; a rare condom being flipped in the air, like a coin, only to end up in a sewer; and an elderly couple wrapping themselves in bubble wrap, as some post-modern kink - fall flatter than a week old can of open beer. There're a few things worse than a comedy without laughs, and this mess is just that: a chore.

Turner and Barbaro do, however, have real chemistry, and charisma to burn. They deserve better than this trivial, contrived trash. One Night Only is proof that a good idea (on paper, anyway) is worthless, if the follow through is steeped in complete ignorance of the human condition.

☆

Almodovar returns to familiar success in "Bitter Christmas"

 

In his latest melodrama, Bitter Christmas (Spanish: Amarga Navidad), the Spanish auteur, Pedro Almodovar treads in - somewhat - familiar waters. His heroine, Elsa (Barbara Lennie), suffers from migraines, dates a younger firefighter (Patrick Criado) who also moonlights as a stripper, and struggles to write a new screenplay, in an effort to resurrect her directorial film career. Meanwhile, another filmmaker, Raul (Leonardo Sbaraglia), is working on his own screenplay, and its narrative structure strangely mimics Elsa's own plight.

Amarga Navidad is not exactly top-tier Almodovar, but it nevertheless features quintessential elements of the Spanish director - strong female arcs, deeply rooted internal struggles, and a wider array of colors in each frame than can be found in a rainbow spectrum. In other words, it's for pure Almodovar aficionados - and knowing what a master storyteller the man is, there should be no shortage of those floating around. 

☆☆☆

"I Want Your Sex" is, ultimately, a comedy without laughs - and not as sexy as it thinks it is

 

Olivia Wilde is on quite a roll lately. A successful director as well as a finely aged actress who's improved with time, she commands audience's attention from both sides of the camera. But in Gregg Araki's new 'comedy,' I Want Your Sex, her vixen, a successful artist who finds joys in turning her new employee, Elliot (Cooper Hoffman) into a sexual muse, is all over the place. She's not so much a character as she is a caricature of one.

But none of that would even matter if the movie was actually funny. Given its fusion of genres (romantic drama? coming of age? a mystery thriller in its final act?), it never quite settles on either. Also, Elliot's girlfriend, a monotone woman laughably named Minerva (played by the British pop star Charli XCX), is mystery in and of herself. Why in the world is she even in a relationship with a boy/man she literally abhors?

Like many movies nowadays, I Want Your Sex doesn't quite deserve its 92% Rotten Tomatoes rating. But I suppose that, in my particular case, the ploy worked, or otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered. Now, if only I can figure out why this movie is classified as 'comedy'...

☆☆

Woody, Buzz & Co continue to raise standards in "Toy Story 5"

 

I suppose it's inevitable that it's come to this. Pixar's beloved characters - Woody, Jessie, Buzz and Co. - have met their match in Lilypad, an advanced tablet that threatens to lure their owner, Bonnie, away from her (otherwise) favorite playthings. If she's ever to pick up a real toy again, Andy's original toys must unite and ensure that Bonnie meets and befriends Blaze (Mykal-Michelle Harris), an animal loving girl who's as down to earth as they come. 

Toy Story 5 is a true marvel of cinema. Not only is it impeccably animated, expertly written, and emotionally resonant to the max, it is also the fifth installment in Pixar's by now a legendary animated franchise. In addition to the usual characters, here we are introduced to new toys, including the scene-stealing Smarty Pants (Conan O'Brien). The results are often hilarious, plenty exciting, but always heartwarming, an iconic staple of the franchise. 

It's hard to imagine any movie series sustaining this high a standard of excellence by the time it reaches its fifth installment, but here we are. And I thought there was no way they could top the previous films. I can't wait for Toy Story 6, an entry that should - and likely will - surpass all the previous ones. Fingers crossed.

☆☆☆☆