Coyote...

 

Coyote...

"Uprising" is Greengrass at his most creative laziness

 

The exciting, innovative director, Paul Greengrass, returns in the historical rebellion drama, The Uprising. Whereas he's done wonders with historical fiction (United 93) and espionage thrillers (The Bourne Supremacy and Ultimatum), he's a bit out of his element here. The Uprising isn't so much a historical drama, as it is a slogfest - one that moves way too fast, for its own good.

After the young King Richard II increases taxes on his British populace, some of the British don't much care for it. The young ploughman (Andrew Garfield), a bitter man who's lost his family to the black plague, rebels. His defiance leads to further revolts across the land, and soon the commoners are meeting with the king, attempting to petition him.

The movie delivers the rebellion way too early in the going, without developing the main players as people who are complex and human. It's as if Greengrass had three hours of usable footage, and had to sacrifice a good deal of it when the studio heads told him to trim the movie to two hours. It also features plenty of shots of gray skies, desolate landscapes, and overall bleakness abundant in mud and dirt. Nevertheless, the movie fails to work as a drama, as an action movie, as much of anything worth remembering. Unfortunately.

☆☆

The tonally uneven "Idiots" is all over the comedic/dramatic/absurdist spectrum

 

Tonally uneven movies can be fun, when done right (Parasite, From Dusk 'Till Dawn). When done wrong, we get Idiots, Macon Blair's latest action/comedy/dark caper flick. Recently unemployed Mark and Davis (Dave Franco and O'Shea Jackson Jr) get a paid gig with a rehab transport service. They're assigned to drive a rich, conniving snob, Sheridan (Mason Thames) to a clinic. Problem is, Sheridan is twisted and deviously dangerous, pulling them into one shenanigan after another, each more dangerous than the last.

Idiots has a decent idea (on the surface) - and a terrific poster - but the screenplay is ultimately not rich, nor clever enough, to reward the characters with more memorable arcs and compelling situations. By the end, the shifting mood and amped up violence (and especially a scene involving a punk criminal who believes that he's a werewolf) feel awkward, rather than thrilling.  Although I did laugh a few times, such gags were few and too far between. 

☆☆

"Super Troopers 3" isn't great - but manages several laughs, nonetheless

 

In the latest chapter of Broken Lizard's (somewhat) famous troupe, Jay Chandrasekhar and Co. return in a second sequel to their 2002 hit, Super Troopers. The result? Exhausting at times, funny at others, amounting to a mediocre good time - but only for the franchise aficionados. It would be a stretch to say that everyone will enjoy this equally. Just a bit.

After Farva (Kevin Heffernan) becomes engaged to Sarita (Hannah Simone), who is Thorny's (Chandrasekhar) sister, the wedding is planned, and jokes and pranks are galore. Also, add to the mix a new drug, called Canadian Crystal. Vermont's finest troopers are soon on the case, battling dealers and smugglers, while also juggling Thorny and Sarita's parents, both of whom have questionable morals themselves.

Super Troopers 3 is only for the die hard fans. Since I've got a soft spot for the original, I laughed just enough where I thought it to be a worthy 100 plus minutes. It's unlikely something I'll ever watch again, but one can honestly say that about 99% of the movies nowadays.

☆☆

A poor man's Bridesmaids, "Spa" struggles with a flat, uninspired screenplay

 

In Spa Weekend, four women get to enjoy a long getaway weekend at a - you guessed it - a fancy spa. Each is burdened with her own problems. Jane (Leslie Mann) is a single mother lawyer who doesn't even have time to date; Coco (Michelle Buteau) is divorced, and has anger issues; Sophie (Anna Faris) is a slave for her overbearing boss, who can't do anything without her; and finally, Mel (Isla Fisher) is an obnoxious, rude, vulgar and a straight up psychopath. Add to the mix a bland script, empty of inspiration and originality, and you've got a movie that, even at 90 plus minutes, feels way too long.

Spa Weekend wants to be the new Bridesmaids, but by failing to give its characters a meaningful, original arc, it only stagnates and regurgitates old plotlines, exploited by other, better films. Fisher's character is so over-the-top that a scene in which she steals a golf cart and, ultimately, crashes it, is deeply disturbing, because the movie swats it away as quite inconsequential. If only someone involved in this production had believed the same about this movie, we all would've been spared this unfunny embarrassment.

☆

Roth continues downward spiral with inept "Ice Cream Man"

 

It's such a shame that Eli Roth's career peaked with 2003's Cabin Fever and literally never got back on track. His output - of late - has been trash more often than not, unfortunately. With his latest, Ice Cream Man, Roth stoops to such low levels of gore that it's hard to imagine he still has a career at all.

After a mysterious ice cream truck delivers treats to the neighborhood children, the sweets seem to turn everyone who's tasted them into demonic psychopaths. Soon the children are murdering their parents, their friends, even their teachers. And not just murdering, but slaughtering. Each torture porn scenario is more disgusting than the last: heads are sawed off, brains scooped out of a split open skull, faces bludgeoned into mincemeat. By the time it becomes apparent that Roth knows nothing about horror and, sadly, too much about gratuitous violence, you will already have wasted thirty minutes of your life.

Movies like Ice Cream Man (like the abhorrent Terrifier franchise) are detrimental to society. They offer nothing good, wise or useful; instead, they take twisted pleasure in presenting the worst of human suffering as entertainment. That is detrimental in and of itself.

ZERO STARS

"Teenage" slasher clashes with Lynchian mindfuckery - to weak effect

 

If you're going into Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma expecting a slasher movie, you're in for a surprise. If you're expecting it to be a movie about people wanting to revamp a fading horror franchise (as the synopsis suggest), you'll be greatly disappointed. In fact, I'm pretty sure at this point that this movie is not at all what you'd - or anyone else - would actually expect. And no, that's not a good thing, in this case. Not by a long shot.

Young filmmaker Kris (Hannah Einbinder) meets with an aging actress, Billy (Gillian Anderson), about casting her in her new reboot. They meet at a remote cabin in a snow covered wilderness, and other than the initial few exchanges between them, things get very abstract. Conversations turn into fantasies, dreams morph into a waking reverie where horror either takes place, or appears so. The narrative structure vanishes, giving life to a mindfuck section that can only be described as Lynch having fucked Bergman. Not even Einbinder's exposed breasts could undue the extra dosage of boredom that writer/director Jane Schoenbrun inflicts on us.

TSADACM is another overrated turkey, a movie so shamelessly praised on RT that it made me question if I had really seen the same version, or had I perhaps dreamed the most awful cut of it. Jury's still out.

☆

Luminous "Amziah" defies genre and transcends classification

 

The Rivals of Amziah King is not a typical movie - and I mean that in a good way. Starting off with a bang, where a minor character (Tony Revolori) nearly gets his scalp ripped off by a honey extractor (haven't watched the scene a few times, I'm still not sure what exactly happened, but I digress), the titular main character (Matthew McConaughey) meets a premature demise, and a young native American woman (Angelina LookingGlass) turns into a small-time detective, and commits unimaginable crimes.

Part Terrence Malick, part David Gordon Green, Amziah King is a majestic, nearly meditative experience, whose plot is only secondary to the quiet moments, where the characters' inner turmoil is explored in reticent, gorgeous cinematography. Bees and honey are central to its story, and especially to its allegorical meaning. It also plays like two or three movies in one; the final act is in no way in spirit with the first, and especially not the heroine's plight. Although I can not proclaim it a masterpiece, it is nevertheless a rare, unique experience that any film aficionado should seek out.

☆☆☆

Jensen's "Viking" continues the high standard of the Danish director

 

Movies by the Danish filmmaker, Anders Thomas Jensen, are a treat. They are smart, mature, funny, moving, and more often than not, quite original. His latest, Den Sidste Viking (The Last Viking), features typical Jensen players, Mads Mikkelsen and Nikolaj Lie Kaas. They play two brothers, opposite in personality and ideals, whose goal is to retrieve money that one of them buried years ago, when the other went to prison for stealing that same loot. Along the way, they will reunite with friends old and new, and even dodge a maniacal man, Flemming (Nicolas Bro), looking for unpaid debts.

The Last Viking is wise, sometimes funny, sometimes violent, but never less than wise. Every character is burdened with their own inner demons, including a mismatched couple (Søren Malling and Sofie Gråbøl), who own an Airbnb where the brothers' childhood home used to be. There are no bad people in Jensen's movies; only imperfect ones. There are also no bad Jensen movies; only nearly perfect ones.

☆☆☆1/2

Bourdain comes of age in crowd pleasing "Tony"

 

In Tony, the young actor (Dominic Sessa) who plays the 19-year old Anthony Bourdain, doesn't much look like him. He's also a compulsive liar: not only does he tell his parents that he received a prestigious writing fellowship when he didn't, he also lies to the girl he's infatuated with, Nancy (Emilia Jones). When he gets drunk one summer at a Massachusetts bar, he's thrown out, mildly beaten upon pushing back, and ultimately taken in by the wise mentor chef, Jose Vatel (Antonio Banderas).

Part coming of age story, part mini-biography, Tony fluctuates between being a summer romance movie, a comedy of back-kitchen profane ridden etiquette, and maturity of a young man still searching for his life's purpose. I won't lie: the lead actor/character is hardly interesting; in fact, he's flat out unlikable. The real treasure here is Banderas, whose father figure wisdom help shape Tony's outlook on life, even after Tony behaves like an asshole towards him on SEVERAL occasions. 

This is a middle of the pack movie, a pleasing, enjoyable slice of life that won't change your life. Yet it will hardly bore you, either.

☆☆☆

Right-wing financed "Vigilante" is a racist, shameless abomination

 

Rejoice, Armie Hammer fans! The blacklisted former Hollywood heartthrob is back, this time in the hack director Uwe Boll's avenger flick, Citizen Vigilante. Rejoice as you watch Hammer's Sanders punish bullies, thieves, dealers and even shoot an entire family of muslim immigrants, just because one of them committed a crime recently. Watch him have forced, unnatural, staged sex with an expressionless prostitute, exposing his controversial tattoos to us. Watch him speak Boll's horrible monologue, and come across as far more deranged than any of the 'villains' he's chasing.

Citizen Vigilante is a shameless, racist, bigoted project, whose existence was born from hatred of immigrants. Set in a nameless European country (I'm guessing Croatia, due to some familiar signage), the movie is under the impression that everyone in the world shares the disturbing ideals of its filmmaker and financiers. The last scene is so disgusting and xenophobic that it becomes the film's non-washable stain, something that'll surely keep it in the annals of worst movies ever made. 

ZERO STARS

Dinosaurs invade modern suburbia "Street" amidst one family's dysfunction

 

The most surprising thing about The End of Oak Street is that its director, David Robert Mitchell, also helmed the horror classic, It Follows (2014). I haven't followed his output much since, but after viewing his latest monster invasion/sci-fi time travel adventure, I only wish he'd contribute more to Hollywood's output.

A family consisting of mother Denise (Anne Hathaway), father Greg (Ewan McGregor), and children Audrey (Maisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery) live in a quiet American suburb, until a sudden flash of indescribable brightness shuts down their power. The next day, nothing is at it seems - not with dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures roaming about, devouring everything in their path.

The End of Oak Street is a rousing adventure, an intense monster creature with genuine thrills and authentic dinosaur action unseen since the original Jurassic Park (1993). There is one gruesome scene, in particular; it is difficult to watch, even though majority of its horror takes place off-screen. It is credit to Mitchell's boldness that he carried on with it - pulling it off - when so many wouldn't have been as audacious.

☆☆☆ 1/2

80s nostalgia elevates this "Mayday" into a fun buddy action-comedy

 

In Mayday, Ryan Reynolds is Troy, a Navy Pilot who's as good as they come. When he's suddenly sent out on a secret mission in Russia, his plane crashes, and he's stranded in the middle of frozen wilderness. Oh, did I mention the story takes place in the 1980s, during the Cold War?

With the aid of Nikolai Ustinov (Kenneth Branagh), a local former KGB who has a soft spot for all things American, the two men dodge Russian agents and local bad guys, while on their way to the American embassy in Moscow. This is an old fashioned buddy picture, the kind of action-comedy common in the decade it takes place in (48 Hrs, Midnight Run). Branagh is particularly good, injecting his Nikolai with an uncommon charm, fused with scattered spots of global naivete.

Mayday is far from perfect; for one, the ending is predicted waaaay in advance. But given its good natured spirit and surprising chemistry among its (on paper) mismatched leads, it will bring a smile to anyone who recalls the decade of excess as the best years of their life.

☆☆☆

"One Night Only" showcases a decent idea - a poorly executed one

 

In One Night Only, men and women across NYC race to fuck each other's brains out, on this ONLY night of the year when sex for premarital couples is legal. At the center of it all are two wholesome people: Owen (Callum Turner), an honest owner of a small pizza joint, and Allie (Monica Barbaro), a woman whose calling involves singing parody songs for commercials featuring the pharmaceutical companies' next hit. We instantly know they'll end up together; now it's just a matter how many hilarious situations they'll have to go through.

Unfortunately, the screenplay (by Travis Braun) is too lazy, unimaginative and flat to ever rise above low mediocrity level. Several gags - including Owen throwing up right after initially bumping into Allie; a rare condom being flipped in the air, like a coin, only to end up in a sewer; and an elderly couple wrapping themselves in bubble wrap, as some post-modern kink - fall flatter than a week old can of open beer. There're a few things worse than a comedy without laughs, and this mess is just that: a chore.

Turner and Barbaro do, however, have real chemistry, and charisma to burn. They deserve better than this trivial, contrived trash. One Night Only is proof that a good idea (on paper, anyway) is worthless, if the follow through is steeped in complete ignorance of the human condition.

☆

Almodovar returns to familiar success in "Bitter Christmas"

 

In his latest melodrama, Bitter Christmas (Spanish: Amarga Navidad), the Spanish auteur, Pedro Almodovar treads in - somewhat - familiar waters. His heroine, Elsa (Barbara Lennie), suffers from migraines, dates a younger firefighter (Patrick Criado) who also moonlights as a stripper, and struggles to write a new screenplay, in an effort to resurrect her directorial film career. Meanwhile, another filmmaker, Raul (Leonardo Sbaraglia), is working on his own screenplay, and its narrative structure strangely mimics Elsa's own plight.

Amarga Navidad is not exactly top-tier Almodovar, but it nevertheless features quintessential elements of the Spanish director - strong female arcs, deeply rooted internal struggles, and a wider array of colors in each frame than can be found in a rainbow spectrum. In other words, it's for pure Almodovar aficionados - and knowing what a master storyteller the man is, there should be no shortage of those floating around. 

☆☆☆

"I Want Your Sex" is, ultimately, a comedy without laughs - and not as sexy as it thinks it is

 

Olivia Wilde is on quite a roll lately. A successful director as well as a finely aged actress who's improved with time, she commands audience's attention from both sides of the camera. But in Gregg Araki's new 'comedy,' I Want Your Sex, her vixen, a successful artist who finds joys in turning her new employee, Elliot (Cooper Hoffman) into a sexual muse, is all over the place. She's not so much a character as she is a caricature of one.

But none of that would even matter if the movie was actually funny. Given its fusion of genres (romantic drama? coming of age? a mystery thriller in its final act?), it never quite settles on either. Also, Elliot's girlfriend, a monotone woman laughably named Minerva (played by the British pop star Charli XCX), is mystery in and of herself. Why in the world is she even in a relationship with a boy/man she literally abhors?

Like many movies nowadays, I Want Your Sex doesn't quite deserve its 92% Rotten Tomatoes rating. But I suppose that, in my particular case, the ploy worked, or otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered. Now, if only I can figure out why this movie is classified as 'comedy'...

☆☆

Woody, Buzz & Co continue to raise standards in "Toy Story 5"

 

I suppose it's inevitable that it's come to this. Pixar's beloved characters - Woody, Jessie, Buzz and Co. - have met their match in Lilypad, an advanced tablet that threatens to lure their owner, Bonnie, away from her (otherwise) favorite playthings. If she's ever to pick up a real toy again, Andy's original toys must unite and ensure that Bonnie meets and befriends Blaze (Mykal-Michelle Harris), an animal loving girl who's as down to earth as they come. 

Toy Story 5 is a true marvel of cinema. Not only is it impeccably animated, expertly written, and emotionally resonant to the max, it is also the fifth installment in Pixar's by now a legendary animated franchise. In addition to the usual characters, here we are introduced to new toys, including the scene-stealing Smarty Pants (Conan O'Brien). The results are often hilarious, plenty exciting, but always heartwarming, an iconic staple of the franchise. 

It's hard to imagine any movie series sustaining this high a standard of excellence by the time it reaches its fifth installment, but here we are. And I thought there was no way they could top the previous films. I can't wait for Toy Story 6, an entry that should - and likely will - surpass all the previous ones. Fingers crossed.

☆☆☆☆

"Motor City" misses the mark and turns into a spoof of itself

 

In some ways, Motor City recalls movies of yore, the grindhouse flicks of the 1970s. You know, cheap lighting, stylized gore, and moral ambiguity across all the characters. But the biggest problem with this Potsy Ponciroli feature, which focuses about a wrongly imprisoned brute (Alan Ritchson) whose escape from prison sets him against the crooks who put him there - and also stole the woman of his dreams, Sophia (Shailene Woodley), is that its too pretentious for its own good.

Choosing to carry out his narrative mostly dialogue free (about 98% of the narrative is silent, accompanied only by classic tunes of the 1970s), Ponciroli fails, and not so admirably. We don't know these "mute" characters at all: not what makes them tick, not what warms their hearts - and especially not why Sophia so easily reunites with Reynolds (Ben Foster), the gangster whose villainy ruins the protagonist's life. 

There is a time and a place for a silent work to blossom (The Artist, first hour of Wall-E, etc) in today's Hollywood. But Motor City spoofs the gimmick into a parody that plays like a hundred-minute long movie trailer, going nowhere. It's as miscalculated a movie as there's been in 2026.

☆

"The Breadwinner" is proof Bargatze should stay on stage, and avoid features

 

Nate Bargatze is as likable a comic as there's ever been. He doesn't curse, doesn't raise his voice, and speaks about common things with the wit of an expert comic. But as an actor, as a screenwriter whose Hollywood showcase is the new 'comedy', The Breadwinner, he falls quite far from his mark.

When his wife, Katie (Mandy Moore), comes across a great business opportunity, Nate Wilcox (Bargatze) becomes the sole home maker, where he takes charge of his three children, and dozens of daily chores. This includes, among other things, a horse that runs rampant through their house, destroying everything in sight. It would be funny - sort of - if it wasn't so desperate and over-the-top. There're few things worse than a comedy without - or with a few - laughs, but that's exactly what The Breadwinner is.

I hope Bargatze sticks to his stage comedy, and avoids making movies, unless he comes across a fitting script that properly compliments his talents. Until then, please, for the love of f---, no more of this.

☆1/2

This "Balthazar" is no hero - in fact, he's a selfish little bitch

 

We've been overdo for an anti gun violence American satire. Sadly, Oscar Boyson new drama, Our Hero, Balthazar, is all over the place with its tone, its drama, but most of all - with it characters. When a rich, out-of-touch teenager, Balthazar (Jaeden Martell) learns that another Texas youth, Solomon (Asa Butterfield), is preparing to do a mass shooting, he travels there. One would think that the movie's narrative would really take-off at the point of their union, but sadly, it does the opposite.

Biggest problem with this movie is that its central character, Balthazar, is an abominable piece of crap. He's not so much a human as he is a sponge for fame and recognition and online/TV glory. He has no admirable principles. What's worse, the climax scene, the moment when everything goes off the rails, is executed so forcibly that it feels as if Boyson is shoving it down our throats, without allowing his screenplay volition to get us there naturally, and more believably. 

Our Hero, Balthazar is the biggest miss of all, because there was so much potential here. It could've gone completely into the dark comedy, biting satire route; instead, it settles for elevating a monster character, when it should've taken a giant shit on him.

☆☆

"Gail" and her sex pass are a little too offbeat for their own good

 

Zoey Deutsch's charm can sway many a man off their chosen paths. She has carried movies like Buffaloed and Set It Up practically all by herself. But in Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass, she finally runs into a script that is too offbeat, too quirky, and - at times - too raunchy for her sweet face and good natured personality.

When Gail (Deutsch) catches her fiance, Tom (Michael Cassidy) cheating on her, he claims innocence by evoking their "celebrity sex pass" agreement. Furious, she storms off to Los Angeles with her hairstylist friend, Otto (Miles Gutierrez-Riley), in order to have sex with a celebrity of her choice: Jon Hamm, who happily plays himself.

Gail Daughtry is a sometimes funny, sometimes bohemian, and often tonally inconsistent movie. Whereas I expected a conclusion involving heart and self-discovery, what I got was an awkward love making scene, one involving the titular heroine and her Hollywood crush. It came across as odd and disingenuous, rendering any meaningful arc as non-existent. I'll remember some of the funny parts here for a while, but I'm sure I won't be watching them again.

☆☆1/2

"Maddie" aims for profoundity, but manages only ridicule

 

The writer/director of Maddie's Secret, John Early, does not look like a woman. Not really. Yet he plays one in his new movie, to an effect more comical than he actually intended. His Maddie Ralph is married, and after her husband catches her throwing up, she panics and says, "I'm pregnant." It's a poor excuse to cover up her ongoing bulimia, but what's a girl to do?

At first, I thought Maddie was a trans woman. But after her husband believed her lie, I was left dumbfounded. So Maddie's character is ... a woman? Has always been one? Yet ... she's played by a male actor? The ensuing confusion was so overwhelming that soon I was laughing - not with the characters and their story, but AT them. This is hardly a project that anyone should take seriously - it's a melodrama masquerading as a parody, pretending to be noble and profound. 

I really don't know what else to say to this hammy, amateurish effort - where all the actors look as if they were cast on the day of production - except to scratch my head. The critics were enamored with it, which only adds to the mystery. Maddie's Secret is so baffling you have to see it to believe it; but then again, why would you?
☆ 

Theatrical layout of "The Invite" limits its reach

 

Based on the 2020 Spanish film (The People Upstairs), Olivia Wilde's The Invite is a biting, engaging adult comedy. It doesn't reach for the stars, nor does it need to. It merely places two middle aged couples in an enclosed space, and lets them nod, smile and agree; then disagree, attempt to cross-fornicate, and, eventually, learn valuable lessons along the way. Not a revolutionary concept, by any stretch of the imagination.

Reminiscent of one setting and limited character dramas, such as Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) and Carnage (2011), what The Invite lacks in scope in more than makes up in its performances. Edward Norton, Penelope Cruz and Seth Rogen all hold their own, but the queen of the quartet is director Olivia Wilde. She outdoes herself here, pulling weight on both sides of the camera. Her Angela is frustrated, depressed, and foolishly waiting a better tomorrow that never arrives; the actress projects this in every scene.

The Invite is entertaining and, at times, quite funny.  In a summer of spectacular epics and superhero adventures (The Odyssey and Spider Man: Brand New Day) it is a welcome change of pace.

☆☆☆

Where's the ugliness? This "Heron" is too safe for its own good

 

A hungarian family of six move to Vancouver Island, and watch their eldest, Jeremy (Edik Beddoes) act out. When the police bring him home one day, after a shoplifting incident, the social services get involved, and we learn that Jeremy only shares the same father with his other siblings - but not the mother.

Blue Heron is a passive movie, one where much is implied, but not a lot said. Feeling like a documentary, of sorts, it meanders about at snail's pace, and never manages to grip the audience in a meaningful way. The family, for all their proximity to the camera, never feel like authentic people; perhaps because when all was said and done, there was little insight into any particular character. It's as if they all knew a film crew was around, and wanted to be on their best behavior. 

One wonders how raw and authentic this could've been in a more daring filmmaker's hands; but alas, Sophy Romvari takes no chances.

☆☆

"The Dink" slaps, swings, and rallies - to a charismatic enough effect

 

Apple's new sports comedy, The Dink, is a mixed bag. For one, its lead, Jake Johnson, is likeable enough. But can he carry this kind of a formulaic sports story, and to new, unexplored heights? Well, yes - and no. But it doesn't hurt that his efforts are nicely assisted by the charms of Mary Steenburgen, Ed Harris, Ben Stiller, and even the former world no. 1 ranked tennis player, Andy Roddick. Yes, The Dink is that kind of a sports comedy: a once-upon-a-time promising prodigy is now past his prime, but given another shot to prove his athletic greatness at early middle age, can he rise to the occasion?

Banter between Johnson and Steenburgen is well handled here; they have great chemistry as actors, even as their characters fail to connect romantically (and for once, it isn't for reasons you'd think). Roddick's cameo is well used, and the retired tennis player holds his own, never overplaying his hand. Although The Dink is unlikely to make you laugh excessively, you will find yourself smiling a lot. Given how difficult it is to accomplish that these days, one may chalk it up as a half-win.

☆☆1/2

"Evil Dead Burn" is a shameless, tasteless, abhorrent attempt at 'horror'

 

Evil Dead franchise never should have been remade. The first two remakes (from 2013 and 2023) were subpar, at best. Sam Raimi's originals, from the 1980s, mixed goofy, slapstick horror with deaths that were horrid, but not quite repulsive. They were fun, in a twisted, tongue in cheek sort of way. Enter: Evil Dead Burn, a movie that takes the premise into an altogether different direction.

It seems that director Sebastien Vanicek's idea of horror is to make every scene as bloody, disgusting and nauseating as the last. Limbs are torn off, fingers cut off, heads smashed in (to the point of there being no head left). Throughout it all, not a single authentic moment of tension, suspension or true horror is to be found. Apparently, Vanicek is more a fan of Damien Leone's Terrifier franchise, then he is of true horror artists, like Ari Aster or Zach Cregger. Such a shame.

If I've not said anything about the plot, it's because there is no reason to. Movies like Evil Dead Burn exist to punish every sense of people who have even the slightest standard of cinematic decency. Imagine The Exorcist, but with every character - except one - possessed by a demonic entity. Now add the tasteless vile of the Saw franchise, and you'll get this movie. Garbage like this should really be illegal, but hey, what the hell do I know.

1/2 ☆

Last days of "Robin Hood" are ...

 

Hugh Jackman is a grizzled elder in The Death of Robin Hood, Michael Sarnoski's homage to the (in)famous, bow & arrow sporting wonder, Robin of Locksley. Way past his prime, and on the run from all the surviving kin of the countless folks he's killed in his youth, Robin stabs a female assassin in the throat, rips a man's hand in half, and sticks a burning torch in a man's head. All this takes place within the first twenty five minutes - before I've even had a chance to form a comfy groove in my seat. 

This is, by far, the darkest cinematic tale associated with Robin Hood. Parts of it feel like an ultraviolent Game of Thrones episode on steroids; while the latter half, involving old Robin's stay at a remote island, where a compassionate nurse (Jodie Comer) heals him, despite members of her family having been among Robin's victims. 

The Death of Robin Hood is not a great movie; it was never supposed to be. But it is way better than it deserves, focusing on a fading legend's remorse for the wrongful life he's lived, weighed by unmentionable guilt. Jackman outdoes himself in the role, and the final scene is uncommonly moving, despite its anti-hero's questionable morality.

☆☆☆

Blood soaked "Furious" moves at a frenetic pace with marvelous fight scenes

 

Two men, Wang Wei (Mo Tse) and Navin (Joe Taslim) infiltrate a child trafficking ring somewhere in Southeast Asia (the majority of storyline takes place in Thailand). Both are expert fighters, each looking for a person close to them (one of them searching for his daughter, the other for his wife). Needless to say, the fights they engage in with the villainous gangsters who partake in such awful activity are bloody, surreal, and nearly brilliant (in a sick, twisted way).

If one could fuse Sound of Freedom (2023) and an average Jackie Chan outing in his prime, they might end up with something like The Furious. Faces are punched, groins are kicked, knives slash flesh (and even sever an arm that just wouldn't quit); but probably the least expected fight of all involved two adversaries swinging bicycles at each other, in lieu of swords or spears. There is a majestic beauty to it, not to mention incredible skill by the actors/stuntmen.

Kenji Tanigaki's The Furious is a fast paced, ultra violent, exhilarating action movie. If you can tolerate some unnecessary gore here and there, you should be fine. I just hope you can hold your breath for nearly two hours; that's the requirement for surviving this thing.

☆☆☆

"Dead Lover" combines absurdity and surrealism - and a low budget - to mediocre effect

 

Grace Glowicki, the director - and star - of the absurdist feature, Dead Lover, has an appeal that transcends taste. Playing an unlikable grave digger, she's smitten with a man, only to be devastated after he later drowns at sea. Determined to resurrect him through various scientific means involving electricity, she only creates additional problems for herself and her small universe.

I'm not gonna lie: Dead Lover isn't for everyone. An even more accurate way to describe it is to say it's for a very select few. It's rather cheap looking, not very imaginative, with performances that feel too amateurish to leave an impression. Its vision is also limited by a low budget whose sets look like student film projects shot on the college stages. All of this, of course, would be easily forgiven if the movie was actually funny; but alas, it isn't. Not nearly as much as it needed to be.

Grace Glowicki may have a good movie in her - as a director and an actress - but she's not proved it here. I wanted to like Dead Lover, I really did. But I just couldn't pretend that something this mediocre ever needed to occupy nearly ninety minutes of my life. Regrets, regrets.

☆1/2

Vile and repulsive - but yet hilarious "Jackass" goes out with a bang

 

Jackass: Best and Last isn't the best of the series. But that's hardly a detriment. The daredevilish stunts are back in bunches, both new - and recaps of its historical best. It's disgusting, to be sure, and daring - and often disgustingly daring. Johnny Knoxville and crew shit themselves (while wearing clear plastic pants), get their balls kicked in by a rotating boot, and have an AI robot give Steve O a rectal exam.

Among the old footage, the best parts include Escape Room From Hell, where the Jackass boys have to dodge a deadly snake in absolute darkness. Also, bad grandpa (Knoxville) ends up at a bachelorette party, then strips to show off his hanging nutsack. But the clip that had me in stitches involved a bar fight of little people (including Wee Man), where a pair of little police officers show up to squash the brawl. 

Jackass: Best and Last is also quite vile at times, but if you're familiar with its nihilistic perversion, it will no longer sting as it once did. You will most certainly laugh way more than in an average Hollywood comedy. I, for one, will miss these guys, and the franchise entire.

☆☆☆

Flat and uninspired "Rose" drags on like the dullest of unimaginative dreams

 

It is never my intention to bash movies, but after watching Mark Jenkin's Rose of Nevada, a so-called 'science fiction' drama, I have not a single good thing to say. A story about two fishermen (George MacKay and Callum Turner) who board a recently found fishing vessel that's been missing for three decades, it drags along like a redundant dream, pretentiously maquarading like an artistic, profound tale. Shot on an outdated 16 mm stock and in a 1.33 aspect ratio, it feels like a student film that's at least ninety minutes too long.

I wish someone had told Jenkin that to pull an audience in - and especially to keep them hooked - one should open a movie with a more compelling sequence than a series of shots of rusty decay whose eight minutes length felt like forty. The fact that this movie sports a 92% Rotten Tomatoes rating is a travesty. Once again, I'm not hating for the sake of it, I'm merely trying to protect others from wasting two hours of their life, the way I had. Consider this review a dire warning.

ZERO STARS

Timely social themes rattle the heart of bold "Leviticus"

 

In a small Australian town, teenage boys Naim (Joe Bird) and Ryan (Stacy Clausen) are attracted to one another. The problem? Their strict, old fashioned community resents homosexuality. So what choice do their parents have, than to exorcise the gay out of them, via a specially gifted 'deliverance healer'? The consequence of such an action bring about an entity that threatens to destroy each boy - literally. 

Adrian Chiarella's Leviticus is a bold, at times terrifying, film about the burdens of being a homosexual in a society that has no tolerance for it. The performances by the two leads are excellent, as is the story's originality. The movie evokes hints and shades of other horror classics, such as It Follows, and the even more recent Obsession. It is a timely, socially conscious story, one that should resonate with anyone who's faced prejudice due to their sexual orientation - but especially those close to those individuals.

☆☆☆

Spider Man's evolution reaches new heights in extravagant Brand New Day

 

Of all the actors who've played Spider Man over the last two and half decades, Tom Holland is clearly the most successful. Is he the best actor for the role? Maybe. But watching Spider Man: Brand New Day, one can't help but wonder that his boyish face and endless charisma are the embodiment of what Peter Parker represents. Oh, it helps to have a top notch script and an excellent production to boot, as well.

In this latest installment, Peter faces his most unusual foe yet: a girl (Sadie Sink) whose telepathic powers can take over anyone's mind and turn them into Spider Man's enemy. Involved in her quest for vengeance is the Department of Damage Control, a prison for individuals with super or otherworldly powers. Along the way, Peter also crosses paths with MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon), friends whom have forgotten him after their adventures in the previous installment.

In addition to being an exhilarating action movie with several spectacular fighting sequences, Brand New Day is also a heartfelt examination of how lost friendships and relationships can affect even the most superhuman's abilities to focus on their everyday tasks. Peter Parker grows in more ways than one in this film, morphing into a character whose plights and tribulations deserve at least three more films; Holland's role and casting really are that good.

☆☆☆1/2

Good casting clashes with weak narrative in mixed "Supergirl"

 

There is no question that Milly Alcock's casting as the titular Supergirl is the film's strength. She possesses a rare charisma, an everyday girl-next-door look that makes her simultaneously ordinary and otherworldly. But given the all-over-the-place storyline she's stuck with, the result is a mixed bag - to say the least.

After a psychotic intergalactic murderer, called Krem of the Krem of the Yellow Hills (Matthias Schoenaerts) murders the family of a girl, Ruthye (Eve Ridley), she demands vengeance. Supergirl refuses to get involved, until the same murderer poisons her dog, Krypto. Needing to track him down in three days - in order to gain the precious antidote required to save her pet - the duo begins their intergalactic trek, visiting several solar system and planets in their quest for justice.

As mentioned above, the storyline is pretty thin, and the adventures in question resemble a sort of outer space, Star-Wars-meets-Mad-Max parodies, where science fiction and dystopia blend to deliver action and mayhem that is more family friendly than it should be. There's little doubt that Supergirl will return in ensuing Superman films. But based on the meekness of this outing, she may not get another movie of her own. 

☆☆

"Marama" suffers from undeveloped conflict and short running time

 

As a drama about a woman (Ariana Osborne) who's travelled from the distant New Zealand all the way to England, Marama attempts to tell a meaningful story. But as soon as blood and carnage are thrown at us at a frenetic pace, the developing horror takes away from the gothic mood and spooky production design. When the heroine uses a shovel to decapitate someone who's harmed her family members, I wasn't sure what the filmmakers were thinking.

Marama rides the politically correct wave about a NZ native who's suffered mental and physical damage on the hands of captors/colonizers with whom few will be able to sympathize. As a result, audiences may side with the heroine at any cost, regardless of how absurd. Also, at not even 90 minutes, Marama is too short for its own good; another twenty could've gone a long way to turn the audience towards her plight. This is a darkly photographed, often times nice to look at, morally uncompromising mess.

☆☆

"Prada 2" brings back the fabulous cast - but with a thin conflict narrative

 

I won't lie: I was looking forward to The Devil Wears Prada 2. Few things are more entertaining than watching the talents of Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep at their adversarial best. But whereas most of the main characters were not BFFs the first time around, in this sequel they are at least acquaintances. Hathaway's Andy Sachs is happy throughout the movie, never showing the slightest dissatisfaction with her new position at Runway. And hardly is there the cold awkwardness between her and Streep's Miranda Priestly, the ultimate ice queen villainess from the original.

Such friendliness may be ok in real life, but in a movie whose entire charm is based on the main characters' animosities towards one another, it comes across as less than satisfactory. There are new characters who pop in and out, including an architect (Patrick Brammall), whose relationship with Andy never takes off, in any way shape or form. I felt bad for the actor, whose pointless presence in the story only took away from the more fascinating leads - and therefore may have peeved the franchise's biggest fanbase.

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is entertaining enough, but it really never justifies its existence after a two decade long absence. The script needed to be spectacular, instead of merely vanilla. Recommended only for the true Prada aficionados.

☆☆ 1/2

Thirst for hip-hop success takes Scottish boys into "Schemin'" territory

 

A pair of Scottish young men, circa 2003, pretend to be American rappers and ultimately reach admirable success. Directed by established actor James McAvoy, the movie is - more or less - standard rags to riches musical biopic fare. Despite the fact that the duo in question - named Silibil n'Brains, didn't necessarily reach universal fame, their success was stained due to the-foot-in-the-door under false pretenses scandal.

California Schemin' isn't a bad movie - not by a long shot. The two leads, Seamus McLean Ross and Samuel Bottomley, are exceptional in their roles. Their characters' climb to fame, and ultimate descent, is accompanied by temptations to infidelity to long time girlfriends, use of drugs, and personal antagonism towards each other. It is a well staged, well acted movie, but if I'm being honest, its arc is too familiar and utterly predictable - not in the least due to its fact based story.

☆☆1/2

Charm oozes out of every character in "Sheep Detectives"

 

Not since 1995's Babe has a live action movie featuring talking farm animals captured the audiences as The Sheep Detectives. Based on the 2005 novel, Three Bags Full, by Leonie Swann, the story centers on an English shepherd, George Hardy (Hugh Jackman), who tends to a flock of sheep he loves more than life itself. He also reads them crime fiction stories, which comes in handy when he mysteriously dies, and the sheep are forced to investigate his death.

The movie features an array of characters (by several notable actors), both human and animal, and combines elements of family entertainment, detective mystery, and betrayal within a small town's infrastructure. There's hardly a dull moment in it, and more than enough laughs for a wide type of audience. You'll hardly find a more entertaining, wholesome entertainment. I, for one, am hoping for a sequel (fingers crossed).

☆☆☆1/2

British prison rules and spontaneous violence are the heart of gritty "Wasteman"

 

Taylor (David Jonsson) has served 13 years in a British prison. He has a son he's never met, and is about to be released soon. Life will finally get right for him. Until he gets a new bunkmate, Dee (Tom Blyth). To say the dude's a sociopath is an understatement. To assume he'll drag Taylor down with him is almost inevitable.

Cal McMau's Wasteman is a gritty, compelling British prison picture, one where violence over drug monopoly can spark endless conflicts, many of which end up online for the world to see. Jonsson is terrific as the timid, drug addicted Taylor, a man not only too weak to stand up for himself, but also to kick his self-destructing habit. The movie captures a lot of drama, both internal and otherwise, and all in 90 minutes. 

Where many prison movies would succumb to exhausting cliche, Wasteman glows with authenticity, and will stay with you long after it's over.

☆☆☆1/2

Sci-fi & horror fuse to dulling effect in underwhelming "Affection"

A woman (Jessica Roth) living in an isolated house in the country experiences seizures while questioning the identity of her husband (Joseph Cross) and her daughter (Julianna Layne). When her existence is further disturbed by horrific visions, she begins to connect the dots.

BT Meza's film reeks of low budget limitations: three actors (in total) limited to one vast, unimaginative location. Given those restraints, his screenplay really needed to be spectacular. The problem: it isn't. Not even close. Convoluted, poorly cast, and directed without a single flair for true horror, the movie feels way too long, even at 89 minutes. It's the kind of project that gives independent filmmaking a bad name. 

At length, Affection is so half-baked and uninspired that its greatest feat is that it was made at all. As to what audience it's actually for, that remains to be seen.

☆1/2
 

"Masters'" charms do not lie with its extravagance - but with characters and wit

 

It took me a while to finally figure out that it was Jared Leto who voices the sadistic villain Skeletor in this new remake of mattel's Masters of the Universe. Well, I didn't really figure it out; I kind of googled it, at the last minute. Oh well. Either way, Leto is having a lot of fun in the role, and it shows. Luckily for us, he isn't the only one.

Newcomer Nicholas Galitzine dons the prince Adam role. He not only looks the part, but embodies all the charm and warm persona that defines the character as we who've grown up with the original cartoon and line of toys have come to know. Ironically, this version of Masters of the Universe is best when the characters - Duncan, Teela, King Randor, Queen Marlena, to name just a few - are engaged in banter that embodies adventure, coming of age implications, and a surprising wit. It's an overstuffed experience, at times - but ultimately a fun one.

It's unfortunate that the movie bombed at the box office; this clearly indicates there won't be any follow ups, despite the narrative potential available. Let's at least hope it becomes a cult classic, remaining in the movie loving audiences subconscious for decades, via midnight screenings and special underground presentations.

☆☆☆

Unconvincing "Caroline" treads familiar territory with few surprises

 

A beautiful, small town young woman, Caroline (Samara Weaving), is charmed by a passing swindler, Oliver (Kyle Gallner), whose conniving ways beguile her naivete. Soon, they are roaming the southeast United States, in search of her long lost mother. Along the way, they con and thieve and - ultimately - commit murder, like a poor man's Bonnie and Clyde. 

Yet despite the chemistry of its two leads, Carolina Caroline feels redundant. Its plot has been recycled countless times (Wisdom, The Town, Baby Driver), offering few surprises along the way. Even the ultimate fate of the character(s) is foreseen way in advance. In addition, Weaving, although appealing, appears miscast. Her teeth are too perfect, her face too gorgeous, her body too much like a supermodel's to come across as a hopeless small town Americana beauty whose life options are limited to working in a grocery store. As for Gallner, his transformation from a two bit scoundrel into murderer is swift and somewhat unearned. 

At a time when there are numerous better choices in the criminal robbers genre, Carolina Caroline is three and a half decades late to the prom.

☆☆

"Pressure" delves into uncommon aspects of warfare

 

As Dwight D. Eisenhower, Brendan Fraser embodies the famous general's personality perhaps more than his looks. He appears genuinely dejected when watching slain American soldiers lie on a blood stained beach, smokes a lot of cigarettes, questions the predictions of his expert meteorologists (Andrew Scott, in particular), and growls when the unappealing weather thwarts his war plans. He is larger than life - and also somehow just as humane as thousands of soldiers and service men and women he oversees.

Pressure is a unique war movie, one whose focus lies in accurately predicting the weather for D-Day, originally planned for June 5, 1944. Scott and Fraser make for fitting adversaries, two men driven towards excellence in their respective fields of expertise, which often clashed amidst the complex implications of a grand world conflict. And at barely 100 minutes, it packs a lot of punch, and barely any war brutality for a movie promoted as a WW2 drama. That's quite an accomplishment in and of itself.

☆☆☆1/2

Creepy "Backrooms" is undermined by a convoluted third act 'explanation'

 

Perhaps the most impressive aspect of Backrooms is that its director, Kane Parsons, was born in 2005. By my calculations, during the production of this blockbuster hit, he must've been... merely 20 years old. That is an anomaly indeed - and a good one. The fact that his horror/sci-fi/speculative movie has become a world wide phenomenon is even a greater story.

The film's protagonist, Clark (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a man working at a vast furniture store, discovers a secret basement at his workplace. The titular space is odd, ambiguous, and at times, terrifying. Clark eventually brings others into this secret labyrinth, and things quickly go from bad to worse. By the time his shrink, Dr. Mary Kline (Renate Reinsve) finds herself lost in the otherworldly maze, the audience (at least yours truly), expected some answers to the enveloping mystery.

Unfortunately, we get little of anything sensical. The movie, ultimately, is a mixed blessing. Containing an exciting, gripping first act, it slowly crumbles into incoherence in its final stages. When Dr. Kline is eventually met by Phil (Mark Duplass), a scientist wise to the backrooms' nature, their conversation is staler than a week old bagel. What is this mysterious place? Why does it exist? And what is its purpose? Phil says a few things, none of which registered as anything rational with me.

Backrooms is a great idea whose genius is merely half-assed. If only the last twenty minutes were worthy of its first forty five, we could've really had something here. Perhaps the planned sequel will answers some long sought after questions. Forgive me if I don't hold my breath.

☆☆

Spielberg tackles his favorite topic in intense "Disclosure Day"

 

In recent years, Emily Blunt seems to have reinvented herself in the last twelve years. In that span, she's spawned well rounded characters in films like Edge of Tomorrow, A Quiet Place, and Sicario. In Steven Spielberg's latest sci-fi mystery, Disclosure Day, Blunt outdoes herself again. Playing Margaret Fairchild, a mid-city market weatherwoman, she speaks Russian like a true Soviet, engages in a Korean conversation like a natural, and is able to read people's emotional states and the reasons behind them.

Disclosure Day starts out mysteriously, with a Dr. Kellner (Josh O'Connor) threatening to release top secret information that he's stolen from his company to the American public. Slowly, each layer is slowly unpeeled, until the final act goes a little overboard in revealing a bit too much (did we really have to see all that we saw? Wouldn't it have been ok just to save something for our imagination? Meh). Nevertheless, the movie is a thrilling ride,;at times exciting, at others engrossing, with surprisingly impressive performances - especially by Blunt. It's also Spielberg's best movie in years (possibly since 2005's Munich), and that's saying something.

☆☆☆

"Boosters" takes Riley into the preposterous - and unfunny :/

 

In I Love Boosters, the socially conscious rapper-turned-filmmaker Boots Riley creates a unique urban sci-fi fantasy of a universe not unlike Big Trouble in Little China and Attack the Block. Just like the aforementioned pictures, this one takes place in an alternate universe where portal travel and aliens exist side by side with humanity. To speak in detail about the plot would be fruitless; there are too many characters, both real and otherwise, who keep getting in each other's way, with fashion being their shared element. But one thing is consistent: Riley's uncompromising criticism of modern, unchecked capitalism. 

2018's Sorry to Bother You (Riley's debut feature) was a more clever and timely satire about exploitation of workers in the telemarketing industry. In contrast, Boosters is at times convoluted, overwritten, and overstuffed. By the third act, when the skinless men appeared, I was scratching my head as to what Riley was thinking. Of course, it all would've been forgiven if the movie was actually funny; but alas, it isn't. Not nearly enough, anyway. 

☆☆

Nolan's "Odyssey" is a worthy adaptation of Homer's epic

 

Like the most majestic dark fantasy, Christopher Nolan's adaptation of Homer's foundational poem, The Odyssey, satisfies the eyes and the ears in newfound ways. It is a magnificent production of enormous scope, spanning various landscapes and different seasons of its protagonist's - Odysseus' - soul. Filmed entirely in IMAX film format, it is best if experienced on the big screen.

Matt Damon portrays Odysseus unapologetically - physically and spiritually. He's a man broken by war, by the anger of the gods whose rules he continuously breaks, and the two decade absence from his family. Damon's wear and tear occurs at the hands of a gigantic cyclops monster, a devious witch who turns gluttonous men into pigs, and alluring sirens whose songs lure weak men towards doom - among other obstacles. Odysseus' hair and beard whiten over the years, his memory fails, but his cunning remains intact, in a final showdown with scoundrelous suitors who've tormented his wife and son in their Ithaca home.

The Odyssey deserves to rank among Nolan's best movies. It is not necessarily something that will be watched repeatedly, but everyone who values good cinema should see it at least once.

☆☆☆1/2

"Obsession" sets new standard for low budget extravagance - not to mention terrifying horror

 

Curry Barker's Obsession is the stuff that nightmares are made of. A tale about an average loner, Bear (Michael Johnston), who makes a wish that finally grants him the girl of his dreams, Nikki (Inde Navarette). What he soon realizes, along with the audience, is that Nikki's devotion comes at a price.

Obsession is a darkly twisted, highly imaginative trip into the terrifying and the grim. The plot, I'm sure, you've already figured out. The most notable aspect is that Navarette delivers a performance of a lifetime. Her face twists and grimaces in ways I didn't think possible. When angry, her voice goes up and down, often imitating a foolish ghoul from the depths of the underworld. And throughout it all, her Nikki is fighting internal battles we can not imagine, for the uncursed, 'good' half periodically shows herself. If she's not at least nominated for an Oscar next spring, the award show will have turned into a parody of itself.

If Ari Aster's nightmare and It Follows had an offspring, I imagine it would look something like Obsession. It's setting a new standard for the horror genre, something unseen since 2018's Hereditary.

☆☆☆☆

"Ballad" has good moments, but doesn't live up to Carney's standards

 

Few filmmakers know how to tell a cinematic tale of musicians yearning to sing their hearts out as John Carney. After such moving efforts as Once, Sing Street, Begin Again and Flora and Son, he returns with Power Ballad, a tale of a has been/never was wedding band musician, Rick Power (Paul Rudd), whose lyrics and song idea are stolen by a more famous singer, Danny Wilson (Nick Jonas). What is a nice guy to do with such a conundrum?

The movie is charming, often funny, and well acted. But the song at the heart of it, How to Write a Song (Without You), is a true stinker, a melodramatic, hokey boy band ballad that outwears its welcome early on; sadly, we end up hearing it so many times I nearly became nauseous by the end.  Also, Rick claims to be struggling with money, and on the brink of going broke, yet is easily capable of buying a Dublin-to-Los Angeles flight at the spur of a moment. The movie's characters behave like real people, but their actions are often those of fictional characters - unfortunately

John Carney has done better work, and - I hope - will do great work again. Power Ballad is his most forgettable effort yet - and it's easy to see why: a movie about music should contain better tunes than this one does.

☆☆

"Michael" does for biopics what Melania did for documentaries: nada

 

Is there a more exhausted biopic trope than that of a singer or some sort of musical prodigy? It feels as if we get several each year, and outside of What's Love Got To Do With it?, Ray and Rocketman (to name a few that instantly come to mind), they are typical standard fare that highlight the highs, without focusing much on the person's lows. But perhaps no biopic in recent memory succumbs to glorifying its protagonist as Antoine Fuqua's Michael.

Other than focusing on young Michael Jackson's struggles to stand up to his overbearing father, Joe (Colman Domingo), the movie is basically a glorification of King of Pop's love for animals, his infatuation to 'perfect' his face via numerous plastic surgeries, and his incredible singing and dancing talent. The movie fails to mention Jackson's strange infatuation with spending an unusually long periods of time with underage boys; there's not a whisper of either of his heavily publicized 1993 nor the 2005 trials. All in all, the lead actor, Jaafar Jackson, is perfect as can be in the lead role. He captures not only Michael's (his real-life uncle) voice, but the dancing prowess as well. 

If you're a fan of Michael Jackson's music, you will smile through scenes where so many legendary songs were conceived and recorded. But other than that, Michael is not unlike 2026's most redundant documentary, Melania. It exists merely to tell us what we already know, without attempting to be daring in the least. 

☆☆